My disappointment and frustration are at an all-time high. Apparently I have had unrealistic expectations. Nothing is done today. We have not had a very communicative relationship with our case worker up until now. Much has been left for us to guess and speculate for what little information she has given us.
The home study is not official finished today because one personal non-family reference still is not in. (We've been assured it is in the mail.) We proofed everything else tonight…so at least that much is done. Once that reference is in THEN the home study document will go to our case worker’s supervisor for approval. Then it goes to an in house SNAP rep that has to approve it. THEN and only then will our home study be 'scheduled' to go before the SNAP board...who only meet twice a month. The next meeting is Monday. The meeting after that is August 12th...I assume that the one after that is August 26th.
At one of these upcoming meetings our home study will be "presented" to the SNAP team...and then we will see if we are approved. In the meantime the older girls will be starting school again which means that if we get placement they will have to move mid-semester...and the case worker was POSITIVE we would not be able to home school until after finalization... So we will have to enroll them at Center Grove middle school and or high school. (I don’t know if Laila is going to be an 8th grader or 9th grader.)
I'm feeling rather defeated at the moment.
I feel like I have completely wasted June and July. D, B and HJ could have been through six weeks of school by now but I was waiting because I didn’t want to start the school year without Monica and Laila.
I feel like we are missing more and more of their lives as the time slips away. Another birthday, another holiday, and Monica has very precious little of her time left before she turns 18 and graduates from high school. The littles are getting bigger and older every day. We are missing more milestones… It is excruciating. (It did not bode well with me either when the case worker was like… Your stressed out? What about? THIS? As if this was not something to be stressed out about. Seriously. She was surprised. I kid you not.)
All I can do at this point is fall at God’s feet and plead for mercy… for the will to go on… for the strength to face another day, week, month or more. I am so wrung out and tired I want to give up. But I know that is not why God has brought us down this road. These children need a home, they need a family. They need parents. It is all in His timing. His ways are not our ways. His plan is perfect, and mine is most definitely not.
So if you would… Please pray for us.
-Pray that everything will start to fall into place quickly and that we will be able to release all anxiety to Him.
-Pray for God’s perfect timing and that our family would ONLY be in the VERY CENTER of His perfect will…we want nothing more or less.
-Please pray that our hearts and home will be prepared for what is ahead.
-Pray that this time will be put to good use.
- Please pray for the spirit of anxiety and depression to leave us alone.
-Pray for God’s perfect provision for the future.